This isn’t a fucking SAT test, so take your time listening, learning, and having fun. Become familiar with the sounds and flow of the language.
Ok we lied, there are quizzes at the end of the episode. But they’re not mandatory. They are just there to help you hone your skills.
Or don’t follow anything we just said. Fuck it. Do it your own way.
As aventuras do Bob, o Babaca |
The Adventures of Bob, the Dickhead |
O Bob tem alguns amigos no Rio e resolveu visitá-los, principalmente porque, sendo escroto, babaca e fodido, ele tem uma vida de merda, e os amigos falaram que talvez ele se anime no Rio. |
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Bob has some friends in Rio and he decides to visit them, mostly because, being a douchebag, stupid and broke, he has a really shitty life and his friends said maybe Rio would perk him up. |
Episodio 1 |
Episode 1 |
| Neste episódio, o voo do Bob chegou e, por uma falha total de verossimilhança, ele fala português, mas ainda assim continua sendo um poço de besteira. | In this episode, Bob’s flight has arrived and, though by some failure of verisimilitude he speaks Portuguese, he‘s still a total fuckwit. |
Listen to the complete dialog:
| 1 | Bob | Onde pego a porra da minha bagagem? | Where do I get my goddamn luggage? | |
| 2 | Funcionário* | Tem que passar pelo controle de passaporte primeiro. | You have to go through immigration first. | |
| 3 | Bob | O que? Fale devagar, porra! | What? Speak slowly, damn it! | |
| 4 | Funcionário | Falei que primeiro tem que passar pela porra do controle do passaporte. Entendeu? | I said you have to go through the goddamn immigration first. Got it? | |
| 5 | Bob | Entendi. Então, onde fica o tal do controle de passaporte? | Got it. So where’s this immigration? | |
| 6 | Funcionário | Tá vendo a placa que diz controle de passaporte? | See the sign that says Immigration? | |
| 7 | Bob | Tô. | Yeah. |
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| 8 | Funcionário | Tá vendo aquela gente toda fazendo fila? | You see all those people in line? | |
| 9 | Bob | Tô. | Yeah. |
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| 10 | Funcionário | Então adivinhe. | So take a guess. | |
| 11 | Bob | Qual é a tua, ô babaca? Nunca viu um gringo antes? | What’s your problem, dickhead? Never seen a gringo before? | |
| 12 | Funcionário | Ei, cuidado, você pode ir preso, falando assim para uma autoridade. | Hey, be careful, you can get arrested for talking like that to an official. | |
| 13 | Bob | Você é autoridade? | You an official? | |
| 14 | Funcionário | Não. | No. | |
| 15 | Bob | Então, vá tomar no cu. | Then go fuck yourself. |
*Employee
Notes: In lines 6 and 8 Funcionário asks a question which literally means “Are you seeing the sign?” and “Are you seeing those people?” Bob replies with “Tô”, which is the abbreviated form of “estou” = “I am”.
In Portuguese you almost never reply to a question in the affirmative by saying “Yes”. You reply by repeating the verb.
For example, the equivalent concept in English would look like this:
Q: “Are you horny?”
A: “I am.”
Q: “Do you want a blow job?”
A: “I want.”
This does happen in English too, as shown in lines 4 and 5 where the question “Got it?” is answered with “Got it.”
| escroto | Lit: scrotum. Fig: nasty, bad,lowlife, untrustworthy, cheap, rude, negligent, vile, base, obscene, etc. |
babaca | cunt, asshole (see Coarse Language notes below) | ||
| pego | In this case: first person singular of “pegar” to get | devagar | slowly | ||
| onde | where | ir preso | to get arrested | ||
| bagagem | baggage, luggage | fale | Speak – imperative of “falar” – to speak |
||
| tem | have (from “ter” – “to have” |
entender | to understand | ||
| tem que | have to (obligation) | diz | say/says – from “dizer” to say | ||
| passar | to pass, to pass by/through, to go through | gente | people | ||
| Controle de Passaporte | Immigration (Lit: Passport Control) |
fazendo | gerund of “fazer” – to do / to make, etc. |
||
| poço de besteira | Lit: a well of idiocy Fig: idiot | fila | queue, line | ||
| autoridade | Official (Lit: Authority) | fazer fila | to queue up, stand in line | ||
| Polícia Federal | Federal Police (At some locations this is used to indicate Immigration) | Tô | Abbreviation of “Estou” = “I am” from “Estar” – “to be” |
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| adivinhe | Guess – imperative of “adivinhar” – to guess |
Cuidado! cuidado |
Be careful! care (without!) |
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| placa | sign | pode | can, from “poder” can / to be able to |
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| vendo | in this case: gerund of “ver” “to see” | falando | speaking, gerund of “falar” to speak |
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| então | then, so | gringo | foreigner. (In Brazilian Portuguese a gringo can be any foreigner. In other words, a Mexican can be a gringo in Brazil, which is pretty funny.) | ||
| primeiro | first | Qual é a tua? | What’s your problem? What’s with you? |
FICAR
Basically, you can’t speak Portuguese unless you know how to use the verb “ficar”. It’s one of those words, like “get” in English, that is just so totally all-purpose it takes two pages in a dictionary just to cover the basics. Here’s a little starter lesson. (FICAR is a regular, -ar verb, conjugations of which you can see in “Verb Conjugations” in the supplementary section on the main Portuguese page.)
The basic meaning of ficar is “to stay”:
| Onde você gosta de ficar no Rio? | Where do you like to stay in Rio? | |
| Gosto de ficar na casa da minha namorada. | I like to stay at my girlfriend’s house. |
But it’s also used all the time to mean “to be”:
| Onde fica a porra do banheiro? | Where is the fucking bathroom? |
What this actually means is: “Where does the bathroom stay?” This is why you will often hear Portuguese speakers say stuff like, “Where does the Post Office stay?” when speaking English; it’s because of this “to stay/to be” confusion. But this is only the beginning.
Ficar also means “to become”, pretty much like “get” in English.
| Ela ficou puta ao saber que o namorado estava comendo sua melhor amiga. | She got angry when she found out her boyfriend was fucking her best friend. |
But it is also used when you would normally just use “to be” in English.
| Fiquei contente que ela queria me mostrar os peitos. | I was glad that she wanted to show me her tits. |
What this literally means is: “I became/got glad that she wanted to show me her breasts.” Portuguese has a word for tit – teta – but it’s not used, except for udders on animals sort of thing. The terms most commonly used are “seio / seios” and “peito / peitos” which are simply the official, non-coarse terms for “breast /breasts”. (The coarse part comes in just talking about them in the first place.) You sometimes hear “mamas” meaning tits but that too is fairly rare and is mostly used medically. If a woman is walking by and you want to comment to your friends that she has big tits, oddly enough, you normally say: Ela tem saúde! which means “She is healthy!”
Ficar de also means “to commit” to do something, or “to say you will” do something or “to be supposed” to do something, as in:
| Ele ficou de trazer o bagulho mas esqueceu. | He said he would (or He was supposed to) bring the weed, but he forgot. | |
| Eu fiquei de ligar pra ela mas, foda-se, não quero. | I told her I’d (or I am supposed to) call her but, fuck it, I don’t want to. | |
| Você ficou de pagar as putas! Cadê a grana? | You were supposed to (or You said you would) pay the hookers! Where’s the money? |
Ficar com can also mean “to have”, or “to take” as in:
| Porra! O Egberto ficou com toda a grana, e agora sumiu! | Shit! Egberto has (or took) all the money, and now he’s disappeared! | |
| Onde está a porra da chave? Ficou com o João. | Where’s the fucking key? John has (or took) it. |
In the above examples, you can still see the “to stay” nature of ficar in that “the money stayed with Egberto” in the first example and “the key stayed with John” in the second example.
Ficar also means “to make out with on a transitory basis”, as in:
| Fiquei com a Maria na festa ontem à noite. | I made out with Maria at the party last night. |
However, it can have a longer-term meaning as well:
| Tô ficando com a Maria. | I’m dating Maria. |
Dating, in the sense that you are going out – it’s been more than once over a given period of time – and are probably having sex, but nothing permanent is established.
There’s a lot more to ficar, but this will get you started for now.
(The coarse language is usually sexually or scatologically driven.)
| Porra | This literally means “sperm” which is odd if you think in English terms of running around yelling “Sperm!” at every opportunity. But that is the case in Portuguese, as in: | ||||||||
| Porra! Quase pisei nessa merda! | “Sperm! I almost stepped in that shit!” You get the point: it’s used here as an interjection on the order of “Fuck!” “Shit!” etc. | ||||||||
| Onde pego a porra da minha bagagem? | As shown in the dialog, this is on the order of “Where do I get my goddamn/fucking baggage?” | ||||||||
| Onde você comprou essa porra? | Where did you buy that piece of shit/junk? | ||||||||
| Porra! | All by itself, used on any occasion where you might say “Fuck!” Shit!” “Damn!” “OMG!” or even like “Really” “Wow!” “Oh no!” or “Goodness!” etc. Example:
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| Porra, mermão! | Hey, man, don’t do that! Why did you do that? (Note: “mermão” is an elision of “meu irmão” = “my brother”. Much used.) | ||||||||
| Porra nenhuma! | Nothing, also “no way” | ||||||||
| Pô! | This is an abbreviated version of porra used mainly by women and/or in situations where language must be moderated – like when having dinner with your saintly grandmother, for example. | ||||||||
| Vá pra porra! | Get lost! Go fuck yourself! | ||||||||
| Que porra é essa, mermão? | What the fuck is that, man? | ||||||||
| Vou lhe dar uma porrada! | I’m gonna smack you silly! | ||||||||
| A porrada comeu! | They had a huge fight! | ||||||||
| Esse puto é um porra louca. | That asshole is crazy. |
| Caralho | This means penis, dick, prick, willy, cock, wiener, tool, etc. and is used to great advantage throughout almost all parts of speech. | ||||||||
| Caralho! | All by itself: “Dick!” Actually, used on any occasion where you might say “Fuck!” Shit!” “Damn!” “OMG!” or even like Wow!” “Oh no!” or “Goodness!” etc. Example:
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| Caguei pra caralho! | Literally, this means “I shat for dick”, which is hard to interpret. But what it actually means is twofold, depending on context: “I took a really huge shit,” which is literal for “caguei” but not for “caralho”, and“I was really lucky,” which is figurative for both. | ||||||||
| Isso é do caralho! | That’s fantastic! | ||||||||
| Na casa do caralho! |
Really far away! (Literally: in the dick’s house.) Note: The caralho was the bit of mast that rose above the crow’s nest on sailing ships. Thus, the crow’s nest became a casa do caralho, “the dick’s house,” “casa” meaning house. Sailors would be sent there on lookout duty, usually as a punishment for some infringement of rules. So if the captain sent you to the casa do caralho, you knew you were fucked and far from home. The expression subsequently came to mean “really far away”. | ||||||||
| Você é um cara do caralho! | You are really cool (…a really cool guy) | ||||||||
| Porra, isto aqui é o caralho de asa. | Shit, this thing is a dick with wings! [= the most dangerous thing in the world!] |
| Em chuva de caralho é melhor ter um guarda-chuva bem grande. | When it’s raining dicks you better have a big umbrella. (= Be prepared!) | |
| Caralho mole não assusta cu. | A limp dick scares no asshole. | |
| Vá pro caralho. | Go fuck yourself. | |
| Vou te mandar pro caralho! | I’m gonna fuck you up! | |
| Cadê o caralho da chave? | Where’s the fucking key? (Caralho, inserted in just about any sentence is the same as “the fucking”, “the goddamn”, etc.) |
Note: Basically all the tenses and persons of estar leave off the “es” syllable in normal, informal speech, and this is often
used when transcribing informal speech: “Tá com tesão” (Are you horny), and so forth. A few examples:
| Full Word / Expression | Becomes |
| Estou | Tô |
| Está | Tá |
| Estamos | Tamos |
| Estão | Tão |
| Estariam | Tariam |
| Estivesse | Tivesse |
| Estivessem | Tivessem |
| Etc. | |
| Para | Pra |
| Para a | Pra |
| Para o | Pro |
| Você | Cê |
| Vocês | Cês |
| Pronomes Singulares |
Singular Pronouns |
| Eu | I – Pretty straight forward, not much to get confused about here. |
| Tu | You – A form of you that is kind of weird and is almost always used incorrectly. |
| Você | You – The most popular and democratic form, used for friends and family and anyone else who you feel equal or superior to. |
| O Senhor | You – Used to address an adult man you don’t know or who you want to suck up to. If a young woman uses this to address you, she’s telling you you’re way too old to be on her radar and to fuck off. |
| A Senhora | You – Used to address an adult woman you don’t know or who you want to suck up to. If a young man uses this to address you, he’s telling you you remind him of his mother or grandmother. |
| Ele | He – No subtleties here. |
| Ela | She – Ditto. |
| Todo mundo | Everyone, Everybody – used the same as in English |
Example of tu as it is used incorrectly:
| Fique falando essa besteira e tu vai ver o que acontece! | Keep talking that bullshit and you’ll see what happens. (The conjugations “fique” and “vai” are for “você” but the speaker uses “tu” instead.) |
| Pronomes Plurais | Plural Pronouns |
| Nós | We – Just we, nothing interesting about it. |
| A gente | We – Means “the people” and signifies “we/us” in informal conversation. It’s one of those expressions that many parents tell their kids not to use, ‘cause it don’t sound eddicated. But everybody uses it all the time anyway. (Takes singular, third-person verb.) |
| Vós | You – A silly old form of plural you, found only in the Bible and when Lusophones want to pretend they are nobility. We won’t be mentioning this again. If you want to be a Bible scholar, study Greek. |
| Vocês | You – The most common and democratic form of plural you. |
| Os Senhores | You – As above, used for adult men when brown nosing is called for. |
| As Senhoras | You – As above, means you’re addressing a group of bats. |
| Eles | They – Refers to a group of men or to a mixed group. |
| Elas | They – Refers to a group of women. |
Example of “a gente” meaning “we”:
| Primeiro vamos almoçar e depois a gente vai pro puteiro. Você vem? | First we’re going to have lunch and then we’re going to the whorehouse. You coming? (The speaker first says “vamos,” which goes with plural – nós – and then uses “a gente” and “vai” which is the singular conjugation. |
Test your Episode 1 Dialog skills!
Test your Episode 1 Coarse Vocab and Usage skills!
Episode 1 Vocabulary and Phrases Quiz
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